Dear Honored Guests

You are my guest for a reason.  I wanted you as my guest.  The vast majority of my guests are gracious and I was delighted to serve as your host.  This post is not addressed to you.

However.

There are others that are malcontent assholes.  This is addressed to them.

And its mostly about my mountain cabins.  I assume you chose to stay in one of my cabins because either you don’t have one or if you do have one, its rented out.  I also assume that the rental fee for my cabins of free fits your budget.

Jason and Josh work for me.  Not you.  They are eager to make your visit pleasant and provide everything necessary to make you comfortable.  But they are not your bitches.  They belong to me.

These cabins were not cheap to build.  I wanted them to be as isolated as the land would allow which skyrocketed the cost, especially the cost of providing the utilities and roads for the cabins.  There are surveillance cameras in the cabins.  Not to watch your boring life while you are my guest.  For security when the cabins are empty.  I can’t prove to you that no one is watching you while in the cabin.  Take my word for it or stay somewhere else.

I am taking on a butt load of liability risk by having you as my guest.  If you don’t like signing the contract limiting my liability, stay somewhere else.

The Great Pyrenees roaming the property are working dogs.  They are there to chase off bears and other wildlife.  They are not pets and they don’t want to be pets.  Josh takes excellent care of them and they live a happy life guarding my property.  If you bring your pet with you (even though I asked that you not do that)  they might attack your pet.  The Pyrs are well fed and don’t need you to feed them or complain about their well being.  Respect my animals or stay elsewhere.

If you are riding my horses, expect a Pyr escort.  They protect my horses as well as you.

If you decide on a whim to ride a horse or take out a snowmobile, don’t expect Josh to drop everything to satisfy your whim.  You are welcome to ride a horse or play on a snowmobile and Josh is eager to ready a horse or snowmobile  for you.  Give them enough notice so they can adapt their schedule.  Respect my people’s time or stay somewhere else.

The main house is not a lobby.  Unless you were invited to stay in the house, please don’t invite yourself in.

You will have maid service, fresh sheets and linens daily.  There is no maid on call.

Security does not allow food delivery on the property.  Haul you ass to the gatehouse to fetch your pizza delivery or starve.

These cabins were not built to accommodate more than two people in each of the two bedrooms.  They are only about 1700 to 1800 square feet.  Please do not expect to stack eight people in a cabin.  Reserve two cabins if you need them.

We have a gas pump and car wash on the property.  Please do not refuel the cars unless necessary.  They require premium fuel.  Vehicle documentation is in the glove box.  The navi system has tons of destinations loaded.

Jason stocks every cabin before your visit with food and booze.  If you want Hunts ketchup instead of Del Monte, you should have told Jason when you reserved the cabin.  Do not call Jason and expect him to provide it from his pantry.  Grocery stores are programmed into the vehicle navi.  Feel free to use it to fetch your preferred ketchup.

You are welcome to the food, booze and toiletry supplies provided.  Jason will throw out anything opened when you leave.

Yes the robes are nice and each guest is welcome to take one.

Please do not haul firewood in my vehicles.  Josh will see to it that the firewood is restocked daily.  Do not overload the elevator with firewood.

Use caution with fire.  Fireplace as well as candles.  Every cabin has a sprinkler system but the fire department is a long distance away.  Fire extinguishers are provided.

Jason has provided an extensive amount of information about the cabin on the intranet for you.  It will probably answer your questions.

The WPA and WAP keys for WiFi are located on the office desk.  If you choose to use my servers, please don’t leave me with a virus.

If you use our cell phones, please leave them after your visit.  Every phone is reprovisioned after my guests leave and missing phones are bricked.

Please leave the lift passes when you leave.

I don’t supply ski gear.

I have a contract with a shuttle service to provide rides to and from the airport and slopes.  Use them if you are uncomfortable with the driving conditions.

Bring drugs on my property and I will call the police.  If you need them to survive your visit, stay somewhere else.

Security will only allow my guests on property.  If you go out, get drunk and fall in love, don’t expect security to let your trick in.

Josh and Jason are in charge.  They make the reservations for the cabins.  I can’t help you if they are all booked so please don’t ask.  Their word is final.  If something arises and you can’t use your reservation, please let Jason know as soon as possible so someone else can use the cabin.  The house is not open for guest reservations.

Jason or Josh can ask you to leave the property for any or no reason.  Security understands that and is ready and capable to help you leave if necessary.

Please read and follow the information about the native wildlife.  Especially about attracting bears.  Bring the grill into the garage after you use it.  Leave trash in the garage for the maid to collect.  The Pyrs do a good job of keeping bears away and if a Pyr is nearby you are safe.  If a Pyr does attack a bear, more Prys will be on the way to help.  Do not try to help the dogs.  Get inside.  Neither the bear nor the dogs will be harmed.

No guns on property.  If you need something shot, call security.  Security probably will not shoot your spouse so if that is what needs shooting you are SOL.

If you have a medical emergency and call an ambulance, try to let security know.  They need to direct the ambulance to the cabin.  Some of our security people are off duty EMTs and cops.

I built these cabins for my guests to enjoy.  We tried to make them as comfortable and private as possible.  And by far most of my guests are are considerate and grateful.  This is not addressed to them.  It is addressed to the few jerks.

Do not contact me to bump someone else from their reservation.  They have planned better than you and arranged their vacation time and air fare.  I will extend you the same courtesy of not bumping you from your reserved time.

Do not contact me to complain about Jason or Josh.  They have my absolute trust and confidence.  I can promise you that I will side with them on any decision they make.  If you have any comments about their staff, address them to Jason or Josh.

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