How to Score with da Chickz EVERY TIME

Like everyone else on the planet, I know you are wondering sloop’s secret to success with da ladies.  At least 5 times per day I hear “Sloop, how do you get all da chickz throwing themselves at you?”  Aside from my obvious rugged good looks and massive package, I do have another secret.  Cheesecake.

Cheesecake can make a homo turn hetero.  It does not need exotic ingredients or secret ingredients.  Those do not improve on a plain New York style cheesecake.  Chocolate is good.  Not in Caesar salad.  Not in cheesecake.  Fruit toppings might be good but don’t place it on the cheesecake until you serve it.  Gilding the lily might be pretty but if people are honest, you can’t beat a plain cheesecake.

I’m right about this.  Because I am the guy with all da chickz.  This is my cheesecake recipe.

There are a few of tricks to making a good cheesecake.

*     Room temperature ingredients.  Important.

*     Don’t beat air into the cheesecake batter.  Cake batter needs air.  Cheesecakes don’t.  It causes the cheesecake to crack when you bake it.

*     Cornstarch.  It prevents cracking too.

*     Don’t open the oven door.

*     Start the cheesecake in a hot oven then turn it down.  Then turn it off and let it stay in the oven.

*     Place the crust in the freezer as you prepare the filling.

*     Invest in a springform pan and treat it with care.  Don’t allow anyone to close the pan because they will spring it and it will leek.

*     If the cheesecake is a gift, cover the bottom with parchment paper, close the side around it and trim the paper.  If you loan the pan it will be sprung IF it is returned to you.

*     Never put a warm cheesecake in the refrigerator.  Let it cool (in the oven) to room temperature.

*     NEVER serve a cheesecake until it has been refrigerated a minimum of 8 hours.

*     Fancy crusts screw up a cheesecake.  Cookie crusts never turn out a good as you think they should.  Make a graham cracker crust and do not pack it down in the pan.

*     Cheesecakes are so rich that no one can eat much of it.  They don’t have a ton of sugar.  Go with the full fat cream cheese.

*     Almond extract is better in a cheesecake than any almond flavored liquor.

This is one bigass cheesecake.

Crust:

  • 1 1/2 – 2 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
  • 1/3 cup confectioner’s sugar
  • 1 stick melted butter or margerine

Mix it.  Put it in the bottom of a spring form pan.  Lightly press it down.  Put it on the sides if you have the patience.  No blind baking.  Put it in the freezer while you make the filling.  Save some crumbs for the top if you want.

I need to adjust my crust.  Its good but oily when you bake the cheesecake.  Might need less butter or maybe the full 2 1/2 cups of crumbs.

Filling:

  • 2 lbs. cream cheese
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 generous tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 1 teaspoon (or less) almond extract
  • 2 tablespoons cornstarch
  • 1 cup sour cream

Room temperature.  If you want to beat the cream cheese until you see no lumps, the time to do it is before adding anything or maybe after adding the sugar.  Add the ingredients in the order shown.

Easy on the almond extract.  Less is more.

Topping:

  • 1 1/2 – 2 cups sour cream
  • 1/4 cup sugar (or less)
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/4 teaspoon almond extract

Mix it.

Baking:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.  Remove the crust from the freezer.  Put in the filling.  Drop the pan from about 6-8 inches above the counter top to level it out.  Put it in the oven for 10 minutes.

Turn down the oven to 250 degrees.  Don’t open it.  Bake an additional 45-50 minutes.

Turn the oven up to 350 degrees.  When the oven reaches 350, take out the cheesecake and cover with the sour cream topping.  Don’t dump it all on one place.  Gently pour it all over the cheesecake and smooth it out.  Garnish with the reserved crust crumbs.  Return the cheesecake to the oven for 10 minutes.

At the end of the 10 minutes, turn off the oven.  Don’t open the oven door.  Leave the cheesecake in the oven with the door closed until it cools.  This will take at lease 3 hours.

A cheesecake needs 24 hours in the refrigerator.  Minimum of 8 hours.  Don’t put it in the refrigerator until it reaches room temperature.

I’ve experimented with tons of cheesecakes.  This is my own creation and my most requested cheesecake.

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2 Responses to How to Score with da Chickz EVERY TIME

  1. Wandafay says:

    Haha! Will read the rest of this tomorrow! LOL You go to a lot of trouble for da chicks. Wandafay begins to read Sloops blog every day! Me thinks Sloop is smart and cool! Sweet dreams at 12 midnight April 24/25, 2011 -Wandafay

  2. Mary Brockman says:

    Sloop, I love you because you’re funny.

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